you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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