Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
