My pussy is not your playground.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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