i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
