bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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