I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
