you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
