i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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