Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
