you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
