I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
