I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
