I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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