i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
