he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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