Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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