Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Terrible idea I love it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
