Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
