After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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