Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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