omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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