Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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