You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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