The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
