I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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