he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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