I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
