I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
