is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
