please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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