where does the pee come out of this thing
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
