he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
its not stalking. its research.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
