omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
