Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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