I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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