guys are only as good as the porn they watch
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
