I'm going to jail i love you
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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