you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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