I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
