This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
