i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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