my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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