If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I deserve this hangover.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
