im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish you could order shots online.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
