youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
