Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
