the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
