I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
