I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
