If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
