Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
