I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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