I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
