glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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