All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
