I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
