You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
