in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
