Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
